How do you want to live your life?

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken – Oscar Wilde

Comparison

‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’ – Theodore Roosevelt

It is human nature to compare ourselves to others despite the side effects of comparison. However, we compare for various reasons and sometimes, it does help to make us feel better when we compare ourselves to those who have less than us. When we engage in this type of comparison, more commonly known as downward comparison, we are attempting to make ourselves feel better by putting others down. I know this is a very crude form of explanation but very often the outcome is positive. It helps us see what we already have in our lives and allow us to be grateful for the wonderful people and things we have.

But today I am not focusing on that side of comparison, like a coin, comparison has another flip side, called upward comparison. Sometimes people engage in it to motivate themselves but very often people do it unknowingly. When was the last time you thought to yourself about something that someone has that you do not have. Instead of motivating you to work harder, you started to wish you had more and end up feeling upset and dissatisfied with your life? There is a monster in all of us called greed, we always want more and better. Well, I used the word all instead of some of us because I believe that it is a human trait but not many people are willing to accept that. It is this monster that sits on top of our conscience and prevents us from seeing what we already have. Instead, it constantly points out what we don’t have.

So, how to we overcome this? Since it is in our nature to compare? In my humble experience, I learn that one needs to accept that comparison has no end. There will always be someone better or worse than yourself so what is the point. If we insist on comparing, we are wasting a very precious resource – time. Time that could have been used on finding ways to make our lives better! Time that should be spent with loved ones and friends. In the end, the only person that is really going to be missing out is yourself.

Essentially I am saying this to you. You choose the life that you want to live. You can choose to make the best of what you have, where you are. And the last step is: Just live already! Be happy that you have done your best and enjoy it! There is no end to this comparison game. If you insist on it, you will only end up frustrated and angry with life. So, which path will you choose? To me, the choice seem obvious enough. But ultimately, it is how you want to live and remember, others do not live your life, you do! And happiness is a choice, you need to want to choose it!

 

comparison

 

 

No Comments »

The need to win people over

I think it was late last year when I saw this message posted on facebook. I loved it and have been meaning to post it up. Here goes:

‘Don’t try to win over the haters, you are not the jackass whisperer.’ – Scott Stratten

How many times have you wasted your time worrying about the work colleague who doesn’t like you? Or the new person who joined the group who rolls his/her eyes whenever you say something? It took me many years of heartache and agony before I truly understood what an ex-manager meant when she said, “not everyone is going to like you and that is okay.” When you are not someone’s ‘cup of tea’, it doesn’t make you a lousy person. It only meant that you simply do not have chemistry together. There is no right or wrong or even reason.

But what if you are one of those people who needs to be loved and accepted by others? You are very uncomfortable with conflict and would much prefer that everyone just got along even at the expense of how you feel? First, ask yourself this question: ‘How does the constant trying and repeated rejections make you feel?’ I am betting that you feel really lousy. If that is the case, then hear me out. I used to feel that it was my fault if everyone does not like me, and I mean EVERYONE! So, instead of lavishing love and attention on the people who loved me back, I put in double the efforts on those who didn’t. And, yes…you guessed it. Of course I fell on my face.

A very good friend loved me enough to inform me of the mistake I was making. I was wasting time on people who will probably never see the fun in me when I should have been concentrating my efforts on those who loved me anyway! It was then that I learnt the greatest lesson in life. Not everyone is going to be my friend and that is okay. If they are going to hate me, no matter how hard I try, I am still going to be a sore sight to them. Therefore, I changed the way I approach the people I meet as well as the friends I make from that day forth.

I put in maximum efforts on the people who reciprocate and don’t even bother trying impress those who are uninterested. I am not asking you to be nasty to those who are not interested to be your friend. I am simply saying, you can be civil. Instead focus your energy on friends and loved ones who appreciates and loves you. You will find far more fulfilment in such choices and you will not longer be stuck in your own head worrying sick about why a particular person doesn’t like you. So, get out of your head, ditch the haters and embrace those who are truly close to your heart.

 

jackass whisperers

 

No Comments »

What we are thankful for?

I read this just the other day and only found some time today to post this. I was very taken aback and got quite scared actually after seeing it, please take some time to think about this:

‘What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday’ – Author unknown.

Ha! I bet this thought never crossed your mind! I didn’t think like that either. And all of a sudden when one is faced with such an ultimate statement, it does make you think, doesn’t it? Really scares me because we think that we do not take what we have for granted but in reality we do. We are not thankful often enough for what we have. The first thought I had after I read this quote was: “Geez… I would have been left with nothing because I wasn’t thankful for anything yesterday!!” The day just went by as per usual! Despite all my awareness about the happenings around me, I also fall prey to taking the people and things around me for granted. It does take a lot of effort to remember that what we have in our lives are so very special, and we must cherish what we have!

I do not see the need for me to ramble on about this post because I would rather you spend more time doing nice things for those you love, be it writing a note or giving a hug. There is no need to wait for a special occasion because they deserve all the love and attention we can give! So, start thinking about all the people and things that you are thankful of today!

 

food for thought

 

 

No Comments »

Quick tip to happiness

I was watching the comedy channel the other night, this line was the punch line because the crude honesty of it was so true and simple that it was hilarious that most people don’t get it! Here goes:

‘The fastest and quickest way to be happy is to lower your expectation!’

Now, how true is that?? Innately, we all know this to be true but how many of us are able to apply it to ourselves. Let’s try out this exercise together: Think back to a time when you were full of hope and excitement that your loved one (be it a parent, friend or spouse) or rather you were ‘expecting’ them to spring a wonderful surprise on you…..and it didn’t happen. How did you feel? Disappointed, taken for granted, unloved…etc?

Now, think back again to another time when someone does something nice for you out of the blue, and it does not even need to be a grand gesture. Could be as simple as coming up to you and giving you a hug and tell you how much you have been missed. How did you feel then? All warm and fuzzy right?

There you go, the more we think we need, the higher our expectations; and when that expectation is not met at the 100% mark, we feel disappointed, really disappointed. On the other hand, when we receive at the least expected moment, the emotions surrounding it all changes. It may even be that we are given the same thing but our attitude and expectations towards it changes our experience of receiving.

Again, I would like to warn you that it is not an easy task to reduce your expectations but I strongly feel that it is definitely worth the effort. We are mere humans and to err is human. We are not perfect, therefore we cannot expect others to be as well. There is a fine line between having no expectations and reducing your expectations. Having no expectations means that you do not think that you are worthy of any effort and you are happy to accept leftovers. Lowering your expectations means that you are well aware of your self-worth, you have an expectation of how you should be treated by others but you also take into consideration that all human beings have their limitations. If they fall short of what you expect from them, it is not because you are not worth it but they are not mind readers and as long as they have put in their due efforts, then it has met acceptable standards.

I hope that I have given you another good tip to start the new year! Just try, alright?

in our head

 

 

No Comments »

Setting realistic resolutions

Hello there,

It has been a while since my last post, being away and one of the craziest and busiest time of the year. Hope you have attended many parties and caught up with many friends. The first thing that I would like to bring up in 2013 is on the topic of setting New Year resolutions. Let’s face it, we all do that in one way or another. Some of us write it down while the rest of us choose not to have it on paper in case we ‘jinx’ it!

Many people fail to stick to their new goals simply because they are unrealistic. I daresay more than 50% of the population will have a goal related to eating more healthily, eat less junk, drink less alcohol….etc. Then we go and set the start date to be the 1st of Jan, which incidentally will always be a public holiday and for many of us, still a day where we continue on our festivities. So, where does that leave us? Yep, the feeling that we failed even before we started! Why? Because we go to a New Year’s day party and attempt to start our healthy eating regime and only managed to stay on it for 1 hour before we decide that it is no fun to be at a party and not be part of it.

Therefore, instead of going to the extreme end and not set any goals at all. How about setting more achievable ones? Instead of going cold turkey on junk food, try reducing the days you have junk, then gradually increase the number of days. There is absolutely nothing wrong with pacing yourself. In fact, many scientific journals can confirmed that gradual and long termed changes are more permanent and have higher chances of lasting longer than short bursts of energy spikes.

Another point to note while setting goals is your motive for choosing these goals. Is it for yourself or are you doing it to please others? Being clear about this point is crucial to the success of achieving your goals because whenever you feel like giving up, you need to know where to look for inspiration.

No matter what your goals are for 2013, I sincerely hope that choosing to be happy is one of them. Like I mentioned so many times before, life is too short and unpredictable. Happiness is not a given, it requires hard work and personal choice.You do not need someone else to make you happy, all you need is for you to choose to be happy. Easy as that! With that, I wish everyone all the happiness you can handle, and it can never be too much!

I read this cute message on a card:

‘The only person you are destined to be is the person you decide to be.’ – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have a spectacular year!

 

 

No Comments »