Sophrosyne

How do you want to live your life?

I have awakened…

The title of this post might surprise many of you but in its truest essence, we are not totally mindful of our every waking moment or even why we do the things that we do. We do because it is a habit or because it is what society expects of us.

 

In the last few months, I have been contemplating a lot as I consider the options I have and the choices I need to make. I grew up on the amazing island country Singapore. The biggest impact it had on me is not the academic pressure or rat race. The greatest struggle I have faced growing up is being me, in terms of outward appearance and personality. But today’s topic is not about my personality, it is about finally accepting that this is the best that I can be and finally be okay with it.

 

I have always struggled with weight issues and as with many women out there, I am always unhappy with how I look. When I first moved to Australia more than 10 years ago, I was fortunate enough to meet a great group of friends who taught me to love me for who I am no matter how I looked. Fate has it that we had to relocate back to Singapore 7 years ago. I had the best time there and the only thing I lost once again was the ability to love myself no matter what. Again I was reverted back to constant dieting and worrying about how much I weighed.

 

Two years ago, we moved back to Melbourne and I struggled to assimilate back here. I found that my old friends have moved on and I simply could not find the motivation to get anything done and before I know it, I had put on a lot of weight on! Trust me, when I say ALOT! It’s a double figure increase. I made numerous attempts to get rid of it and failed miserably.

 

It had gotten so out of hand that I would stress every time I have friends visit from Singapore because I know that they will be constantly on my back about how much weight I have put on and I really should do something about it. Let’s just put this down as a cultural behaviour. There is no malice, just a reminder. Three weeks ago, I attended a good friend’s 40th birthday. The whole time, she was hugging me, and telling me how much she missed me. Not once did she mention the weight I had put on.

 

A week ago, I received news that a close friend who survived cancer now had cancer returned in another part of her body. It made me finally realise that this obsession about body weight does nothing to improve my quality of life. I keep emphasising that I am fitter than ever and happy but all some could see was the 40 years old me. I am over 40! Why am I still expected to have the 20 years old body ?

 

So this is my awakening. I will live my life happily doing the things that I love doing and stand proud! I am happy with my body and how it looks and what it can do for me. Love me for me!

 

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