Sophrosyne

How do you want to live your life?

Who Matters?

on November 12, 2012

A very good friend posted this on her facebook and it moved me because in a few simple words; it described clearly what should be our attitude towards the people around us.

“There comes a point in our lives when we realise who really matters, who never did, and who always will”  – Sri Aryani

I see it this way; we have moments like this many times in our lives. When people let us down, or at the extreme end of the scale, they were there for us when we least expect it. The question to ask ourselves is this: how do we decide how much to give or whether they are worth it or not? For some, consistency plays a very important role, if the person have been consistent, a slip-up could be overlooked as an one-off situation. For others, it is whether they came to us when we needed them the most, it goes to show that this person may not be hanging around all the time but when it’s crunch time, you know they can be relied upon.

How do you decide who is important to you? I mentioned these 2 methods because I employ them both. Let’s be realistic here, everyone has their own lives to live. We have to be understanding about that as well as accept that there are other things that are higher on their priority list. I know who are my friends because when I really need them; all I need to do is to call then and tell them I need to see them. Does that happen every single time? No, but they would have tried to move things around to try and fit me in. I have mentioned several times on this site that people should be rewarded for their efforts and not outcomes; simply because we may not have control over the final result.

The same can be said about the friends we have. I am sure you have different categories of friends. Very good ones whom you would drop whatever you are doing and go to them if they needed you. And those who you see when you have spare time and have nothing much to do.

The intention behind this post is this: Be very clear about who matters, and who doesn’t. Many times people feel hurt and get themselves all upset because they are unclear about the quality of their friendships and their own attitudes towards it.

What you put into a friendship is what you sow (hang on, this is only part one); so if you have not put in enough for it to bear fruit, then it is your bad. However, if you have put in all effort and it still refused to bear fruits; then you need to decide whether you are happy doing what you are doing; knowing full well that you may not get anything back from it (this is part 2).

Life is such that we do not have control over the other party’s thoughts and actions; but we do have control over our own. If we enjoy doing nice things for someone and we feel good about it, then by all means do it. This is independent of the other party’s reactions and contributions. But if you need something in return and this one way traffic upsets up, then I humbly suggest that you stop. And one last thing; after you have evaluated the relationships where you have been the contributor, take the time to think about what your friends have done for you. And if you value these friendships, then you must treat them well. One of the most awful feeling is to be taken for granted; and it is too easy to take someone for granted.

Lots to think about! Happy Monday!

 

 


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