How do you want to live your life?

Forgiveness and us

on November 14, 2012

People often see forgiveness as an action taken in the favor of the person seeking forgiveness. However, in reality forgiveness serves us in a very different manner. A very good friend of mine described it so beautifully:

“Forgiveness doesn’t mean we condone the wrong actions of another person… it actually means we love ourselves enough to let go of the Hatred n Anger that is plaguing our hearts n polluting our minds with Unhappiness. It’s about healing ourselves; not the other person… whether we forgive or continue to hate… our emotions doesn’t affect the other person in the least but affects our own peace of mind to the max….” – Bernard Yee

Wow! How often are we able to see something so clearly? Isn’t it true? When we hold on to the hatred and anger; we are the ones who are stuck, not them. They would have done whatever they think they should do in order to obtain forgiveness and then moved on with their lives. While we are struggling with our unhappiness; they, on the other hand is not affected any more. So, who are we hurting? That’s right, ourselves.

Let’s just say that you were badly hurt and disappointed by a very good friend; forgiveness means that you let go of whatever hurt he/she had caused you and stop allowing it to bother you anymore. But that does not necessarily equate to nothing has happened. After the forgiveness had occurred, you may wish to re-evaluate the friendship. This is the time when you decide whether this friendship is still worth holding on to. Forgiveness frees you from the pain and unhappiness caused by a certain issue but that does not mean that you have travelled back in time and erased everything. What has happened had happened; forgiveness has nothing to do with future dealings. Forgiveness is:’ I have gotten over what has happened; and now I am thinking about whether or not we can still be friends.’

The whole point of today’s post is simply this message: ‘Holding on to your unhappiness does not affect the other party; it only pains yourself. If you think that you are punishing them, you cannot be more wrong because essentially you are only punishing yourself.’ The best revenge I have learnt the hard way is to live well and be well.


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