Sophrosyne

How do you want to live your life?

The need to win people over

on January 15, 2013

I think it was late last year when I saw this message posted on facebook. I loved it and have been meaning to post it up. Here goes:

‘Don’t try to win over the haters, you are not the jackass whisperer.’ – Scott Stratten

How many times have you wasted your time worrying about the work colleague who doesn’t like you? Or the new person who joined the group who rolls his/her eyes whenever you say something? It took me many years of heartache and agony before I truly understood what an ex-manager meant when she said, “not everyone is going to like you and that is okay.” When you are not someone’s ‘cup of tea’, it doesn’t make you a lousy person. It only meant that you simply do not have chemistry together. There is no right or wrong or even reason.

But what if you are one of those people who needs to be loved and accepted by others? You are very uncomfortable with conflict and would much prefer that everyone just got along even at the expense of how you feel? First, ask yourself this question: ‘How does the constant trying and repeated rejections make you feel?’ I am betting that you feel really lousy. If that is the case, then hear me out. I used to feel that it was my fault if everyone does not like me, and I mean EVERYONE! So, instead of lavishing love and attention on the people who loved me back, I put in double the efforts on those who didn’t. And, yes…you guessed it. Of course I fell on my face.

A very good friend loved me enough to inform me of the mistake I was making. I was wasting time on people who will probably never see the fun in me when I should have been concentrating my efforts on those who loved me anyway! It was then that I learnt the greatest lesson in life. Not everyone is going to be my friend and that is okay. If they are going to hate me, no matter how hard I try, I am still going to be a sore sight to them. Therefore, I changed the way I approach the people I meet as well as the friends I make from that day forth.

I put in maximum efforts on the people who reciprocate and don’t even bother trying impress those who are uninterested. I am not asking you to be nasty to those who are not interested to be your friend. I am simply saying, you can be civil. Instead focus your energy on friends and loved ones who appreciates and loves you. You will find far more fulfilment in such choices and you will not longer be stuck in your own head worrying sick about why a particular person doesn’t like you. So, get out of your head, ditch the haters and embrace those who are truly close to your heart.

 

jackass whisperers

 


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