How do you want to live your life?

Rethinking my perspective on life

on October 19, 2015

I have been having writer’s block for the longest time, nothing much inspires me , therefore the dry spell continues. Of course it takes one person who knows you really well to say the magic words, “Just write about what affects you!”. So here I am, writing about the things that have consumed me my whole life and the one piece of someone else’s reality that knocked some sense into me.

It should not come as a surprise that like many women, I obsessed about my weight and how I look. Yes, the constant dieting and endless exercising. Well, that was until I moved back to Melbourne. I lost all motivation and simply could not care less. In my defence, winter can be brutal especially if you have been raised in tropical Singapore like me. Anyhow, as my weight continued to pile on, so did my disgust with myself. You would think that it would be enough to spur me into yet another bout of diet and exercise frenzy. Errr.. nope. I prefer to continue to indulge and allow the evergrowing ass to keep expanding.

So, this has been my cycle for as long as know, and many women would understand my agony. Of late, I have began to see things in a different light. Not being in a country where aesthetics is a lifelong priority helped a lot. Instead of seeing what kinds of clothes I could fit in. I started viewing my body in terms of what it can still do. Well, after one turns 40, this piece of machinery does slow down quite a bit. I realised that I can either choose to take care of this body through proper nutrition and exercise or continue to starve it just so it can fit into another outfit.

I used to work as a cabin crew with Singapore Airlines where how you look is top on the list and my whole life has been all about how skinny I can be up til this point. So, pardon me for taking almost a year to get here.

This is my epiphany:

  1. I am no longer 20 years old so I do not have to beat myself up if I don’t have a 20 year old’s body.
  2. My body is a piece of machinery. In order for it to work at its full capacity until the day I die, I do need to put in quality fuel and tune it often with exercise.
  3. I would rather focus on the time I get to spend with my family than obsess about my weight.
  4. I choose fitness over looks because it is about quality of life.

What really inspired this post was something I heard on the radio this morning. It was the story of a little boy who lost his dad suddenly 2 months ago and his mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer 6 months earlier. This really hit home for me because it is not something anyone prepare themselves for. We hear about such tragedies happening to people but we would never expect it to happen to us. I was deeply ashamed of myself after I heard this story. Here I am getting all upset about my weight when there are people out there with real crisis to face.

This is the nail on the coffin. In this coffin lies the constant need to be skinny , the shallow belief that being skinny will make me happy, and that I am only beautiful if I am at a certain weight. On this day, I bury this coffin together with all these ridiculous notions.

If you have taken the time to read this to the end, then please take the time to ponder over this and hopefully it speaks to you the way it spoke to me.

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